Of late, a number of different situations, conversations, and stuff I've read have all led me to the same point: How most people consider it their natural liberty to be condescending about matters which are essentially of one's personal choice. It's natural to have an opinion about things; but forcefully shoving it on to people and judging them based on these issues? I wonder how such people would like to judged themselves on similar matters? My best guess is that many of them wouldn't just care, which is why their judgmental attitude is even more toxic to others who are more sensitive.
1. Religion and religious sensibilities: There has been much tension over the ages between religions over various issues, so why would any modern day, educated person even want to stir up a hornet's nest? Why can't we just let others be? But no, some people have to be judgmental about the religious sensibilities of others and comment on things that religion prohibits them from doing; or even on the manner and extent to which they are loyal to their faith. I don't see why it seems to affects them so personally when the other person in not really questioning you and your faith (or even the lack of it), in return.
To highlight the contrasting scenario, here's a very personal example. I don't take too kindly to people who are quick to comment on my lack of 'typical faith' or 'religiously appropriate behavior'. I don't see the point in a lot of things that you faithfully conform to... but I am not lecturing you to also be like me, am I?
2. The symbols of marital status: This is a more gender-specific issue which I first came to appreciate post my wedding, just a few months ago. For an Indian married woman, the symbols are much more in number and diversity than just a ring. The ornaments include characteristic bangles, Sindoor (Vermillion), Mangalsutra, Toe rings etc.... and each region, community, family has their own style (or norm?). A lot of modern, working women choose not to conform to these expectations or to mold these requirements as per their choice and lifestyle, keeping practicality in mind. They are met with a variety of reactions ranging from support to opposition to neutrality. A significant number of Indian women don't even have this liberty to decide what to adorn themselves with. But what irks me most is that these judgements come not just from family and relations (which is also not appreciated), but also from random people who have no business in such matters at all. Does a display of these ornaments make one a more devoted wife? Can external adornments really dictate the nature of one's relation with their partner? If so, why aren't the husbands also expected to take part in this 'show business' as well? Is it just the woman's responsibility to 'safeguard' the relation then?
On the other hand, if a modern woman decides to conform to any of these 'markers', to whatever extent that she finds comfortable, and purely out of choice; there will be another category of people waiting to remark on how traditional and old fashioned she is. Or speculate with pity, that she is probably oppressed and doesn't have the liberty to choose. One way or the other, there will be some who will be offended and others who will waste no time to comment.
3. The career decisions of women: If you give up a promising career to take care of the home and bring up your children, that is considered as a compromise. But what if it is a conscious and willing decision and your family has the luxury of a single income being enough? Why should it be considered a 'sacrifice' if the person in question doesn't herself consider it so? After all, bringing up children and doing a good job of it, is no easy task. Why is 'home making' not even considered as 'work'... most people just brush it off with the attitude that it involves staying at home all day with practically no work in hand. They forget that very often (though not always), they have the freedom to not engage in domestic responsibilities and only concentrate on the 'serious work' because someone in their life ensures that the home is 'made' for them, to whatever extent their capabilities allow. Even though it is indeed the most thankless job.
Then again, working women are often frowned upon for not giving enough time and energy to their family, being self centered or even money minded. Many women give up their dreams, and lock away their abilities solely on these grounds. For many others, it's not an easy decision to choose to have a life, livelihood and professional identity for themselves, to do justice to their long and weary years of education and the extent of investments their parents made to make them self sufficient... because everything comes at a cost. Because it means much more work balancing career and family, and you know you are bound to make mistakes. You will have to make compromises on both areas to keep their fine balance from collapsing. Because everyday, you can't possibly give equal priority to both. There will be bad days at work when you will be blamed (by others and by yourself) for not being committed enough... and there will be bad days at home when you will wish you had more time and energy or could have done things differently.
In all of these examples, no matter which path you choose at the fork of the road, you will be judged!
P.S. There's another somewhat similar scenario for us women... the choice of altering our names (either changing or adding a surname versus staying 'who you were') post marriage. It's a complicated choice as I could argue in favor of all options to various extents... but then a choice has to be made... one that I did only a few months ago.
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